Make no mistake, Ocala’s new Walmart Neighborhood Market looms large in our lives. From the day the “Coming Soon” sign appeared, the WNM – as the cool kids call it — has consumed much our attention and life planning.

“Hurry up!” my otherwise sane wife, Amy, would bellow driving by the construction site, blocked by a fence that existed just to annoy her. She issued progress reports for me often in case I was not able to drive by the same closed fence.

This WNM eventually opened with fanfare from THE Tim Tebow. This makes as much as sense as B.J. Thomas performing at the Crystal River Mall opening in 1990 (one of my first big newspaper assignments). But Tebow’s visit just added to the lore: This itty-bitty Walmart with its self-check-out lanes is, strangely, special.

Why?

Good question.

After all, there are plenty of grocery stores in the area. Another Publix or two probably just broke ground since I started this column. And earlier this year, I discovered the wonder that is Aldi.

On Jan. 24, I sent the following text to Amy: “I am now an Aldi apostle. Holy crap.”

Later: “You know that gouda I like? $2 at Aldi. TWO. FREAKING. DOLLARS!!”

And, truth be told, I have never been a big Walmart fan. The lines are long. The aisles are crowded. People do not know how to walk. Sometimes, shoppers are in their pajamas. Often, they are cranky AND in their pajamas.

When was the last time you witnessed joy in a Walmart? 

But there is a strange joy at our new WNM. I cannot describe it, but I think I can explain it.

You see, people in this town love anything new. It is why the new Raising Cane’s is enjoying a certified bustle in a town that has plenty of deep-fried chicken places. We especially love when new things come with food options and a splash of novelty.

We have been on Buc-ee’s Ocala watch for years, but we still have at least another year until we can buy gourmet sushi and furniture from a beaver in a ballcap. Those of us in Southeast Ocala also remain agitated by the mysterious lack of a Chick-fil-A on our side or town.

Something is amiss, but we have have shelved our investigation of late because, well, we have a new WNM.

A shiny new grocery store with pretty flowers and walkable aisles and cheaper prices is positive, and we crave positive these days. We need positive right now. It is the same reason we still mourn the Winter Olympics, that gone-too-soon avalanche of blissful distraction with special Ocala storylines and patriotic embraces.

Simply, the world is a big
steamin’ vat of chaos right now, and if a Walmart brand carries the antidote, bring it on. I will happily wait for the Southeast Ocala Chick-fil-A Investigative Council’s report in the new WNM dairy aisle.

Here, I will tell you with certainty and moderate euphoria, the cheese is priced to sell.

It’s not quite Aldi prices, mind you, but it is still damn gouda.

This is my life. Bring on the sushi beaver.