Philosopher, adventurer, enigma. Little is known for certain about the man’s origin story. Some say he was raised by brigands in a mountainous encampment near the edge of Canada; others insist he was a foundling, cast to sea by pirates and later rescued by Portuguese fishermen. It’s conceivable that both accounts are true.

He has been occasionally spotted wearing a class ring from Boston University, though most suspect he won it at cards. Almost no one at the FBI still believes him to be the perpetrator of the Gardner heist. His violent temper is widely panned, though to date no living soul appears to have witnessed it. It is said he once spent three months failing to craft a title for his now-lost manuscript on the philosophy of—well, that’s the problem. Of what? He has reportedly been seen teaching at Ocala Yoga Center, and rumor holds he learned his practice from a direct posthumous vision of Ram Dass.

However dubious his credentials, his trajectory is certain: he came from a place quite unlike Ocala. How, why, or to what end remain unclear—but it was recently. The earliest reliable record places him in Ocala in early 2024, when—having evidently tired of wandering—he appeared at Magnolia Art Xchange, offering to help. He now occupies the improbable post of Art Administrator, dividing his days between the philosophical and the bureaucratic arts with equal solemnity.

When not revising policies or provoking existential unease in casual conversation, he may be found plotting new cultural experiments, tutoring aesthetic conscience, or quietly attempting to bring order to chaos—an endeavor he undertakes with the serene futility of one who knows it cannot be done, yet persists anyway.